Learn the Mirroring Technique

The mirroring technique is an effective way to build rapport…

The Mirror Pattern

Step 1. Select a subject. Choose someone you want to have a conversation with. But do not tell this person that you are going to mirror their physiology.

Step 2. Engage in a conversation while mirroring this person. During the conversation ask for their opinion on various topics. Mirror their physiology by matching your voice with their tone of speech. Observe body language and gestures and try to do the same, only subtly.

Step 3. Exercise your rapport. This is a good time to test how much you understand what this person is saying through rapport. Use active listening which means rephrasing their contributions like “You mean…” and “So it’s like this…”. Notice that as you mirror, you start to feel the rapport between the two of you. The goal here is to guess what their opinion is before they even express it.

If you are able to understand where this person is coming from in his or her speech, try to express the opinion outright and see how it affects rapport. If you express this opinion in an unsure manner, the person gains pleasure in assuring you that the opinion is correct. This gives the person a chance to demonstrate their mastery of the subject.

Other Steps of Successful Mirroring

The first three steps help establish you as a positive anchor. The next step will help you take the helm and influence this person subtly.

Step 4. Practice your influence by shifting your attitude and physiology. Now you can test to see if you can influence this person through rapport.

Change the pace of your breathing, start a new facial expression, or adjust your body language. If you are doing this carefully, the person you are talking with has the potential to shift with you — casually. You are utilizing rapport.

For example, you can gradually shift from a boring topic to a fun conversation using active listening and body language. When conducted correctly this could be very useful especially if you are aspiring to become an excellent leader.

Step 5. Test yourself. Now that you’ve exercised building rapport try to apply this in your daily relationships with people. Brainstorm in situations where you can use this mirror pattern to develop your personal life or career.

Develop Confidence and Swagger

Equally important to modeling excellence from others is developing a winning attitude towards success. When you are fully motivated and possess a strong sense of self-belief, you have swagger. This is a state of mind where you believe you can truly achieve anything you put your mind to. When you possess swagger, you have unstoppable confidence to run after your goals.

There is a difference between swagger and arrogance. Arrogance is the opposite of swagger and means “attitude of superiority” – while swagger is simply an embodied self-belief. In no way should swagger make you feel “superior” to anyone else. Swagger is the kind of self-belief that motivates you to get what you want.